Financially and emotionally, Jenny has had a tough year. Ten months ago she left a violent relationship and, since then, has worked hard to build a new life for herself and her young daughter. One of her biggest learning curves has been how to effectively manage her financial situation.

Here are Jenny’s tips to cope financially through the initial stages of a relationship separation.

Preparation is the key

Difficult as it may be, accept that your relationship is over. If possible, start planning your future before you separate. If not, you can still follow these steps. Search online for separation checklists and where to seek help. 

o   Open a bank account in your name and set money aside. If your partner controls your money, try to leave some cash with a trusted person. If you have to leave everything behind, you will need money for immediate expenses.

o   Think about accommodation. Options will vary depending on your circumstances. Research rental costs, temporary housing, and safe places for you and your family to stay (if required). There are many organisations that can help or advise you with this.

o   Do your budget. Write down your current assets and liabilities. As hard as this can be when you’re emotionally drained, it’s important to know how much money you need to be able to live on your own and provide for your family. Doing this will let you know exactly where you stand and what help you will need, which will reduce your immediate anxiety and stress.

o   Create a support group. As much as you may find it difficult to share your experience, one trusted person is all you need to get through the dark days. From family and friends to social media groups, there is a wealth of information and experience you can draw from. Ask questions in relation to their financial experiences. What did they do well? What didn’t work? Then assess and create your own plan to get through the initial stages of separation. 

o   Get professional help. Lawyers, financial advisers, financial counselling and psychologists will guide you through the process, provide solid advice and relieve some of your burden.

o   Contact your local council. They have tons of information and will put you in touch with the right support people and organisations. 

o   Contact Centrelink to assess if you are eligible for any monetary support such as parenting payment, rent assistance, domestic violence payments, concession cards, childcare subsidy etc. 

o   Leave emotions behind. Often, the emotional strain is one of your biggest enemies. It can help to have a third party deal with your ex if it is difficult or dangerous. Communicate via text or email and keep detailed notes of all interactions in case they are required for legal proceedings in the future. Protect the mental, emotional and physical safety of yourself and your family.

Five Situations Where Money and Emotions Don’t Mix

o   Have a dream. As much as you probably can’t think of anything else but your breakup right now, it’s important to have a dream. Write it down. Think about it and plan for the future. This will help you to feel positive and focus on your future rather than the past. 

Please note: if domestic violence is involved, safety is the top priority. If possible, pack a ‘go-bag’ with passports, important documents, jewellery, and any other relevant items that you can grab if you are leaving in a hurry.

Resources 

Women and Separation

There is support to help you through separation

You can get free information and advice from the following:

·         Family Relationships Advice Line 1800 050 321

·         Family Relationships Online website: www.familyrelationships.gov.au

·         The Federal Circuit Court website

·         The Family Court website

·         Department of Human Services website - to find out about child support and your financial entitlements and download their useful publications. www.humanservices.gov.au/separatedparents

You may know someone who is considering separating from their partner, or has just been through a separation. Share these tips as they might help them feel they are not alone!